Nicole Kidman Compares Tom Cruise, Keith Urban Divorces

But that doesn’t mean she isn’t processing what she feels.

“At the same time I’m like, ‘OK, I didn’t expect this,'” Kidman—who also shares daughters Sunday, 18, and Faith, 15—with Urban explained. “I had a different view of what my life was going to be, but this is what it is now.’ You make all these plans and you have all these ideas of what it’s all going to be like and then it’s… not. You have to adjust. You adapt. The future, it’s completely unknown to me right now.”

That said, there’s magic in the air when it comes to her future regardless.

“There was a point where I was very fearful and deeply vulnerable,” she noted, “which is exposing. And then at the same time [I’m] going, “Well, I can either really not confront it and just curl up, or I can just go forward with an enormous amount of hope.”

Keep reading for a deeper look back at Kidman and Urban’s relationship before their split…