Certain people seem so effortlessly influential, they make you wonder if they were born with some magical quality.
But after researching human behavior for 15 years, I have good news. Influence is a set of learnable actions, not a fixed personality trait.
In my book, “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the People in Charge,” I break down how to build authority at work based on my experience advising thousands of top performers at companies like Google, Amazon, and JPMorgan.
There are things you can do to be taken more seriously, get your ideas approved, and become someone leadership seeks out — even if you’re introverted, still working your way up the ladder, or new to your industry.
Here are five of the most powerful behaviors you can start using right now — based on five different types of power — without turning into a manipulative jerk.
1. Make clear judgment calls
When a meeting goes in circles, influential people step in and say, “We’ve covered the options. It seems like we’re leaning toward X, so we’ll get started on that. Sound good?”
This is role power in action, using your authority to make decisions within your domain. Most people shy away from role power because they don’t want to appear controlling. But when everything is a committee decision, it creates more confusion.
Try this: The next time someone raises an issue, don’t let it bounce around like a hot potato. Take charge and assign ownership, “I’ll coordinate with legal. Gerald, can you drive the marketing piece?”
2. Generously recognize others
Influential people don’t hoard credit. They spread appreciation around early and often.
This builds reward power, or your ability to give people something they want. When you make others feel seen, they go out of their way to help you succeed.
Try this: Each week, shout out a team member via email or team chat, or during a meeting. Don’t just say “the team did a good job,” personalize your praise and be specific. For example, “Pooja’s idea saved us 10 hours of developer time!” or, “Big shout out to Rafael for his analysis, which flagged this risk.”
3. Project competence without cockiness
You can be the smartest person in the room. But your knowledge means nothing if no one seeks out your input or respects your opinion enough to act on it.
That’s the difference between expertise and expert power. Expertise is measured by your skill level, whereas expert power is about whether people trust your insight.
Try this: Lead with “what if” and “I wonder” statements followed by your experience to avoid coming off as a know-it-all. For example, “What if we tried adjusting the price? I’ve seen that work with similar products in the past,” or, “I wonder whether we’ve accounted for processing time since that’s added a two-week delay before.”
4. Hold others accountable
Even the nicest people have to enforce limits. When someone misses deadlines or violates the rules, influential people address it calmly and directly by using coercive power.
This ability to punish people is the form of power you want to use the least, but sometimes it’s necessary to uphold standards and keep the culture safe.
You can use this even without formal authority, as long as you’re in a situation where you’re responsible for an outcome, like running a meeting or leading a particular project. Context matters, though. You can hold peers accountable for being disruptive, but you’ll need to tread more carefully with a superior.
Try this: Name the pattern, state the impact, and set an expectation. This can sound like, “I noticed you talked over Carol twice yesterday. When people get cut off, they stop speaking up. Going forward, please let people finish their thoughts before jumping in.”
5. Pay attention to personal details
What if you could gain power just from being who you are? This is referent power, which comes from people wanting to be associated with you because of your character and values.
Influential people don’t treat relationships transactionally. When you make people feel seen and valued, they’re more likely to trust you, support your ideas, and want to work with you.
Try this: When someone shares something personal, make a reminder and follow up on it. It takes 30 seconds to ask “How was your daughter’s recital?” or “Did the kitchen renovation go well?” But it creates deep rapport.
The best part is that these behaviors compound. The more you use them, the more natural they become, and the more influence you build without even trying.
Melody Wilding, LMSW is an executive coach, human behavior professor, and author of “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.” Get her free training, 5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader, here.
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